smoking

i miss it. . .i don't miss it, but i do. We both quit when we found out we were pregnant and I haven't smoked a single puff since. Now Christopher is born and times are stressful. It seems Marc and I are taking turns telling the other one not to go buy some cloves. Althought a few more times and instead of telling him not go buy some, I will be running up to the closest person smoking and snatch it right from their hands. I don't want to start smoking again bc I don't want Christopher to grow up seeing me smoke. I'm just not sure I am serious about not smoking. Its the rainy season here and it makes me miss smoking more then anything. Something about smoking under an awning while its raining and drinking hot coffee that is just wonderful. I miss that. I also miss the conversations I always seem to have when I'm out smoking with someone. Does this desire to poison my lungs ever go away? I'm not a person of strong will power when it comes to my vices. Do I wait until Marc gives in so I don't feel so guilty? Or do I just do what I want and demand a clove right now? I am trying to do the right thing and let neither of us go there, but damnit I'm not good at doing the right thing. Why is something tiny that i set on fire and suck on so desireable?